A pastor’s wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher’s…
Elderly Couple in Church
This little elderly wife and her husband never missed a Sunday service in 35 years. I believe they even sat in the same pew. They were very special to the church and one Sunday, the church wanted to present a beautifully engraved plaque. Coincidentally, it was their 52nd anniversary, and additionally wanted to surprise them…
Apple Appliances
I have Apple appliances in every room of my home. In addition everyone in my household owns an iPhone, iPad or both. We are pretty diligent about keeping all of the devices synchronized with each other. All, except for some reason, the kitchen. I guess you could say, everything but the kitchen’s synch’d.
Engine Problem
Fifteen minutes into the flight from New York to Phoenix, the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left.” Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed…
Turn 6 into 9
A mathematician asked me to turn 6 into 9 by subtraction Me: You mean by addition? Him: No, by subtraction. Me: I guess by subtracting negative 3? Idk Him: You know this world would be a better place if people like you don’t overcomplicate things. Just remove the “S” dumbass
My Personal Credit Card Info
I’m giving out my personal credit card info to anyone that wants it. It’s several shades of blue, very thin, about 3” long and 2” tall with these little raised numbers and letters on it, it has what looks like a SIM card on one end, a WiFi symbol looking thingy on the front, it…
Count on Fingers
There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him an addition question. So the uncle asked, “What is three plus four?” The little boy…
Some Clothes Of My Grandfather
My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes. He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens. For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she…
Unfair!!!
In addition to asking presidential candidates for birth certificates, they definitely need to start asking this. In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old. A blonde…
Deer
New addition to an old joke. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer! (like no idea) What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye-deer! What do you call a deer that’s been hung, draw and quartered? A well-executed eyed-deer! (a well-executed idea)