All Jokes

Out Of Chocolate

A man approached an ice cream van and said, “I’d like two scoops of chocolate ice cream, please.” The girl behind the counter replied, “I’m very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn’t…

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That’s Insalting

Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local…

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Don’t Praise The Tools

An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented “These are beautiful! You must have…

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Don’t Leave Before The Job Is Done

A feisty 70-year-old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor. “Labor charges!”…

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Department Store Pranks

Set the alarms on all the clocks in housewares. Hide in a clothing rack. As people move past squeak, “Pick me! Pick Me!” When an announcement comes over the speakers, grab the…

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A Subtle Hint

The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front porch. “Madam,” he announced, “I’m the piano tuner.” The lady exclaimed, “Why, I…

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Not Much of a What?

An old man was eating in a truck stop when three rough-looking bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his finger into the old man’s pie and…

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Eggplanting Them On

A grocer put up a sign that read “Eggplants, 25 cents each — three for a dollar.” All day long, customers came in exclaiming: “Don’t be ridiculous! I should get four for…

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Coffee Un-Creamer

A man set down in a cafe and a waitress approached him: “Can I get you something to drink, sir?” The man replied, “Yes, I’d like a cup of coffee with sugar,…

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Growing Boy

A teenage boy was visiting his grandmother. Like all growing boys, he was constantly hungry, so grandma went to the refrigerator to find something he might like. After poking around a bit…

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Rough Eating

Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, a husband declared that oatmeal would now be his cereal of choice. But after eating his first bowl, he told his wife, “I hope I develop a…

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Well Done

John was furious when his steak arrived too rare. “Waiter,” he shouted, “Didn’t you hear me say ‘well done’?” “I can’t thank you enough, sir,” replied the waiter. “I hardly ever get…

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