The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher. The Second Law of Philosophy: They’re both wrong.

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember…

“Please, Your Honor, I’d like to be excused from jury duty,” pleaded an anxious-looking man. “Why should I excuse you?” asked the judge. “You see, I owe a man fifty dollars, and…

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and as he passed her…

It seemed that every time John the piano tuner came to Mary’s house, he scolded Mary for waiting too long between tunings. Mary agreed with John that it should be done every…

A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang “Happy Birthday” to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had…

It was meal time on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner. “What are my choices?” he asked. She replied, “Yes or No.”

Lunching with a friend in a fast food restaurant, I was telling her about a teenager who had rear-ended my car. The teen blamed me for the accident. “She called me every…

In a Department Store: Bargain Basement Upstairs. In an Office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken. In another Office:…

A man walked into a lawyer’s office. “What are your rates?” he asked. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” the lawyer replied. “Isn’t that awfully expensive?” the man asked. “Yes,” the lawyer replied….

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: How old is your son-the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t…

…every time you draw a card, she yells “Go Fish!” …he looks suspiciously like the guy who fixed your muffler last week. …her spoon bending requires a pair of pliers. …he insists…