Holidays and Vacation

Halloween One Liners

Q. What does a goblin buy when he goes shopping? A. Grosseries… Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? A. Frostbite… Q. How do witches keep…

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A Bumpy Ride

An airplane encountered severe vibration in flight. The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign. The vibration stopped immediately. A passenger emerged from a lavatory…

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Halloween Treat

This past Halloween my brother had an unexpected guest, an old friend from high school. Instead of being home to greet trick-or-treaters, as he had planned to do, he went out with…

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New Year’s Resolutions

ATTAINABLE New Year’s Resolutions This year, I resolve to… – Gain weight. At least 20 pounds. – Stop exercising. Waste of time. – Read less. Makes you think. – Watch more TV….

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Best in the Land

A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been travelling in circles. “We’re lost!” One of the…

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Marked Luggage

Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags. He always did…

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Costly Fishing Trip

Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They…

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Phunny Phirst Name

At an airline ticket counter the agent pulled up a passenger’s reservation that showed his name as “Cole, Pheven.” “I’d like to be certain our information is correct,” she said to him….

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Spooky Humor

Q. What is a vampire’s favorite sport? A. Casketball… Q. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? A. Spelling… Q. What is a vampire’s favorite holiday? A. Fangsgiving… Q. What would…

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Last Day of Skiing

On the first day of vacation, the girl fell and broke her leg. As the doctor examined her, she moaned, “Why couldn’t this have happened on my last day of skiing?” The…

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Monster Laughs

Q. Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? A. They’re too wrapped up in themselves… Q. What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving? A. Fasten your sheet belts……

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Fearsomely Funny

Q. What is a ghoul’s favorite slurpee flavor? A. Lemon-slime… Q. What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A. A stake sandwich… Q. What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?…

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