A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man said, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet!” snapped the officer. “…or I’m…

Fireman to homeowner: “At one point we decided to fight fire with fire, and well, basically… your house burned even faster.”

A man who was swerving down the road got pulled over by a policeman. “You’re a terrible driver,” the cop said. “Thank goodness for that,” the man replied. “I thought the steering…

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, “What’s the matter?” He said, “I heard…

Part of the job as an emergency dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so the appropriate emergency equipment can be sent. One day a woman called…

Dentist: “Try to relax. I’ll pull your aching tooth in five minutes.” Patient: “How much will this cost?” Dentist: “It will be $200.” Patient: “That much for just five minutes work?” Dentist:…

Old Sam Johnson went to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the doctor gave him a clean bill of health. “Sam, you’re in…

A man returned from vacation feeling very ill. He went to see his doctor, and the doctor had him immediately rushed to the hospital for a range of tests. The man woke…

When two parents brought their new-born son to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor said, “You have a cute baby.” Smiling, the father said, “I’ll bet you say that to…

While giving a man his annual physical check-up, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on the man’s legs just above his ankles. The doctor asked, “Do you play hockey, rugby, or…

An old man limped into the doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!” The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then…

A man who had just undergone an operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly…