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A man decided to improve his computer skills, and threw myself into it with enthusiasm. Every week he would check out five or six instructional books from the library.

After about a month the librarian commented, "Wow! You must really be getting knowledgeable by now."

"Thanks," he said. "How can you tell?"

The librarian explained, "Only two of the books you're checking out this week have 'FOR DUMMIES' in their titles."

A lab supervisor was on duty in the university's computer lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest and staring at the screen.

After about ten minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.

He went up to her and asked if she needed help; she turned to him and replied, "well, it's about time! I pushed the HELP button over fifteen minutes ago!"

There is a new virus going around called WORK. If you receive any sort of WORK, whether via e-mail, Internet, or simply handed to you by a colleague, do not open it. Those who have opened WORK have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly.

If you do encounter WORK via e-mail or are faced with any WORK at all, purge the virus by sending an e-mail to your boss with the words 'This is too much for me, I'm going out for a soda. This better not be here when I get back.'

Your brain should automatically delete the WORK. If you receive WORK in paper document form, simply lift the document and drag the WORK to your trash can.

Send this message to all your friends in your address book. If you do not have anyone in your address book, then the WORK virus has already corrupted your life!

You know you have an Internet addiction when . . .

Your web site bookmark list takes 5 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.

You turn off your computer and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new web site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.

You step out of your room and realize that your family has moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.

You turn the sound up on your computer when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.

Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.

You can't communicate with your mother...she doesn't have an e-mail address.

You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

You don't know the gender of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.

Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.

You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

Your spouse makes a new rule "The laptop cannot come to bed."

Your dog has its own home page.

Your dog's homepage is actually good.

A man stopped at a flower shop after work to pick up roses for his wife.

As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a younger man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.

"I'm sorry," the clerk said, "this gentleman just ordered our last bunch."

The desperate customer turned to the older man and begged, "May I please buy those roses from you?"

"What happened?" the older man asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"

"It's even worse than that," the younger man confided. "I crashed my wife's hard drive!"

The factory of the future will have two employees, a man and a dog.

The man will be there to feed the dog, and the dog will be there to keep the man from touching the computers.

I work in a busy office, and when a computer goes down it causes quite an inconvenience. Recently one of our computers not only crashed, it made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor.

"This computer has flat-lined," a co-worker called out with mock horror.

"Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse?"

If you have a job sitting in front of a computer all day, you may not be getting enough exercise. If you don't want to spend the money for those fancy exercise machines, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles.

Begin by standing with a five pound potato sack in each hand. Extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks.

Twenty Ways To Tell You've Been Online Too Long

1. You type faster than you think.

2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL".

3. You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out".

4. You double click your TV remote.

5. You check your email but forget you have real mail (snail mail).

6. You have a vanity license plate with your screen name on it.

7. You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or complete sentences.

8. You can actually read & follow all the names of the cast that scrolls up your TV screen at the end of a movie.

9. When someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"

10. You don't even notice anymore when someone has a typo.

11. You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to your own.

12. You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at the same time.

13. You smile sideways.

14. You chat with an annoying person in real life and wish you had your ignore button handy.

15. You bring a bag lunch and a cooler to the computer.

16. You have withdrawals if you are away from the computer for more than a few hours.

17. You take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling.

18. You get up at 200 am to go to the bathroom but turn on the computer instead.

19. You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme.

20. You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to everyone online before you log off.

1. An application was for employment

2. A program was a TV show

3. Memory was something that you lost with age

4. A CD was a bank account

5. Log on was adding wood to a fire

6. Hard drive was a long trip on the road

7. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

8. A web was a spider's home

9. A virus was the flu

10. A keyboard was a piano

While a man was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"

"What is it?" her sister asked with curiosity.

Proudly she replied, "Star, star, star, star, star, star!"

At a computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer

"If you had just boarded an airplane and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?"

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

"I'd like to buy the Internet. Do you know how much it is?"

"Can you copy the Internet for me on this CD?"

"I would like an Internet please."

"I just got your Internet in the mail today..."

"I just downloaded the Internet. How do I use it?"

"I don't have a computer at home. Is the Internet available in book form?"

"Will the Internet be open tomorrow during the holiday?"

"We're getting an Internet from you. Are you guys having any problems sending out your Internets?"

"The Internet is running too slow. Could you reboot it please?"

"We're going on holiday for three months, can you suspend the Internet for us please?"

"I have a problem with my Internet. Anyone know how to get the screens smaller?"

"What do you mean I have to pay for Internet access?"

"I lost my Internet. Can you send me another one?"

The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate

This fire help. Me Groog

Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work.

You have flint and stone?

Ugh

You hit them together?

Ugh

What happen?

Fire not work

(sigh) Make spark?

No spark, no fire, me confused. Fire work yesterday.

*sigh* You change rock?

I change nothing

You sure?

Me make one change. Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldn't keep Lorto from make fire.

*Groog grabs a club and goes to Lorto's cave*

With privacy regulations in full force, a hospital IT administrator reminded users that when they printed reports containing patient information, those reports could not be left in the printer tray. "They must be either secured under lock and key or shredded," he said.

But one user had a problem "I don't always have time to pick up my reports from the printer. Is there any way I can set up my computer so I can send my documents directly to the shredder?"

Nancy decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Her first move was to access the Ask Jeeves website, and Nancy told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical but Nancy insisted, "It's true, Mom. Try it out. Think of something to ask it."

Nancy's mother thought a minute, then slowly typed out, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"

You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.

You could put your problems in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like dealing with them.

You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.

You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.

You could click on "find" (Ctrl-F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys.

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run".

If you mess up your life, you could always press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!

A computer programmer sat down with a woman and told her he would be showing her how to use some new software. She sighed with relief then remarked, "I'm so glad it's you who is teaching me instead of Bob."

Surprised, the programmer said that Bob was far more experienced than he was.

"Yes," the woman said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you... I get nervous around really smart people."

During a performance for the high school drama class at the local theatre, a hole was cracked in the stage floor. Subsequent acts managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee.

He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler in the back of the theatre shouted "Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a stage you're going through!"

Two trucks loaded with thousands of Thesauruses collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday.

According to the newspaper, witnesses were stunned, astounded, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied....

A woman called her doctor in a panic. Her son had swallowed a dime and she wanted to know if she should bring the boy in to be seen.

"I don't think it's necessary," the doctor calmly replied. "Just watch him closely for any change."

Fred walks into the doctor's office one day and says to the doctor, "Doc, I don't understand what's going on with me. It's really strange, sometimes I feel like a teepee, and sometimes I feel like a wigwam."

To which the doctor says "I wouldn't worry about it, Fred, you're just two tents."

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant. "I have turtle recall".

These two green beans were crossing the highway when one of them was hit by a large truck. His buddy scrapes him up and rushes him to the hospital. After hours of surgery the doctor comes in and says "I have good news and bad news."

The green bean starts to rejoice and the doctor says, "The good news is that he's going to live."

"The bad news is he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

The famour artist Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a list of some of his lesser known relatives

-The brother who bleached all his clothes white...Hue Gogh

-The sister who wore a mini skirt and liked to dance...Go Gogh

-The really obnoxious brother...Please Gogh

-The uncle who worked at a convenience store...Stop N' Gogh

-His dizzy aunt...Verti Gogh

-The cousin who lived in Mexico...Amee Gogh

-The brother who ate prunes...Gotta Gogh

-His magician uncle...Wherediddy Gogh

There are these two country farmers milking their cows.

While the one farmer is milking, a fly zooms into the cows ear. The cow starts jumping around, shaking its head and mooing. He tries to steady the cow and suddenly it settles down. He looks down and sees the fly swimming in the milk pail.

He turns to his friend and asks "Golly, how'd that fly get down there so fast?"

His friend replies...

"IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE UDDER!"

After Snow White used a couple rolls of film taking pictures of the seven dwarfs, she mailed the roll to be developed.

Later she was heard to sing, "Some day my prints will come."

The patient is adamant "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans--"

"Whoa! Slow down there, fellow. What makes you think you need all these organ transplants?" the doctor asked.

"Well," the patient replied, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job, I needed to get reorganized."

A guy going into a restaurant wearing is met by a waiter who tells him he must wear a tie to eat there. The guy goes out to his car and looks around for a necktie. He doesn't have one.

He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to tie a smart looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the restaurant where the waiter stares at his tie for a moment and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."

A man took a new job and began commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels, bridges and traffic jams. To make the task less onerous, he invited several of his coworkers to share the ride. He soon found, however, that the commute continued to get more stressful, especially the trips through the tunnels. He consulted the company doctor.

"Doc," the frustrated commuter complained, "I'm fine on the bridges, in the traffic, in the day and at night. But when I get in the tunnels and I've got those four other guys crowded around me in the car, I get anxious and dizzy and feel like I'm going to explode."

Without further analysis, the doctor announced he had identified the ailment.

"What is it, Doc? Am I going insane?"

"No, no, no, my boy. You have something very common in these parts."

"Tell me! What is it?"

"You have what is known as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome."

A newly hired nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"

She asked another nurse, "Why is he going on like that?"

The experienced nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here."

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the
shelves.

"What are you doing in there?" she asked.

The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"

The lady furrowed her brow. "Why, yes," she said, "it is".

"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."

A boy had a crush on a girl at school. Every day his eyes would follow her wistfully, but he was so timid he couldn't work up the courage to speak to her.

"Every time I open my mouth," he told his best friend, "I get so embarrassed that I wish I could shrink down into a tiny pebble!"

"I know how you feel," his friend responded. "But if you really want to talk to her, you'll just have to be a little boulder!"

What did the snowgirl do when the snowman was late for their date?
She gave him the cold shoulder!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Snow!
Snow who?
Snow skating today - the ice is too thin!

What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!

What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Emma!
Emma who?
Emma bit cold out here - let me in!

Where do snowmen go to dance?
Snowballs!

What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?
Frostbite!

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Alaska!
Alaska who?
Alaska my Mom if I can come out and play in the snow.

A man wanted a pet for his daughter. She had been getting good grades at school, and was helping out around the house without protest. He went to the local pet shop to see what they had.

He looked at a baby rabbit, a baby chick and a baby duck. They were all very cute, but he decided to buy the baby chick.

Do you know why?

It was a little cheeper!

Where do ants go for their holidays?
Frants!

What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant!

What do you get if you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics!

What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater!

Why did the elephant put his trunk across the path?
To trip up the ants!

What is even bigger than an elephant?
A giant!

What medicine would you give a sick ant?
Antibiotics!

What do you call an ant from overseas?
Important!

I have a friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time.

It used to bother me, so I suggested he see a doctor and have his legs checked out. For years, he refused and told me I was crazy.

But last week, he finally went, and sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was 1/4 inch shorter than his right.

A quick bit of orthopedic surgery later, he was cured. Both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans.

"So," I said, "you didn't believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg."

He just looked at me and said, "I stand corrected."

Jimmy "Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special."

Mike "To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird."

Jimmy "What? You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird? That will never happen."

Mike "That's what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?"

The number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

"Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman.

"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.

"You're under 18," replies the barman.

Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo, the keeper found two finches that had dropped dead from old age. He picked them up and placed them in a sack. After cleaning the cage he put the sack in his wheelbarrow and moved on to the next cage.

When he reached the primate cage he found two chimps who have also died of natural causes. "Waste not, want not" he said as he put them in the sack with the finches.

Later at feeding time, he flipped the animals from the sack into the lions cage.

"Oh no!!" roared the lion..."Not finch and chimps again!"

Patient "Doctor, I keep thinking I'm Mickey Mouse. And other times, I think I'm Donald Duck."

Psychiatrist "How long have you been having these Disney spells?"

A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents. What time is it?

Answer

145. The man gave away a total of 25 cents. He divided it between two people. Therefore, it was a quarter to two.

A business executive asked a few friends the question, "How's business?" Their answers:

Exterminator: We're gradually getting the bugs out.

Astronomer: Looking up.

Oven manufacturer: Grate.

Butcher: We're making ends meat.

Elevator Operator: Up and down.

Locksmith: I think we found the key.

Janitorial Service: We're cleaning up.

Electrician: Got it wired.

Author: Mine seems to be all write.

TV Repair-Person: Its in sync.

Margarine Producer: Couldn't be butter.

Accountant: How would you LIKE it to be?

A man went to his lawyer and said, "I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it."

The lawyer said, "No problem, leave it all to me."

Astonished, he replied, "well I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I'd like to leave a little to my children too!"

"I need a raise," the secretary said to her boss. "There are three other companies after me."

"Is that so?" asked the boss. "What other companies are after you?"

"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

A crew of highway maintenance workers was sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.

As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one crew member looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.

Turning to a co-worker he said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to cross?"

The strong young man at the construction site boasted that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," said the oldest of the workmen. "I bet you I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the big-mouth replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he said to the young man, "All right. Get in."

It was the day of the big sale. A long line had formed by opening time.

A man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid shouts. On the man's second attempt, he was knocked around and then thrown to the end of the line again.

As he got ready for a third try, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"

Passing an office building one Sunday, a girl saw a sign that said, "Press bell for security guard."

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the guardclomping down the stairs. She watched him shut down the alarm system, put three different keys in three different locks, and finally open the door.

"Well," the security guard said to the girl, "what do you want?"

She looked at him curiously. "I just wondered why you couldn't ring it yourself."

Two guys went into a restaurant and sat down. They ordered two sodas, took sandwiches out of their packs, and started to eat them.

The owner saw what was going on and walked over. "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" he complained.

The two guys stopped, looked at each other, and swapped sandwiches.

A man was watching two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole, he would dig, dig, dig, the other would come behind him and fill the hole, fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously. One digging a hole, the other filling it up again.

The man said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"

The hole digger replied, "Yeah, it must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

A man was interviewing for a job. The interviewer said, "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

"I'm the one you want," the man replied. "At my last job every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

"Flight 234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement."

"Roger," the pilot responded, "but we're at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir," the air control operator replied, "have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?"

A lawyer had quite a reputation as an intimidating showman. This lawyer was in a courtroom of potential jurors, trying to select a favorable jury.

The lawyer asked, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" No one answered him.

Before the pause became too long, though, the judge announced, "I do."

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

Frank was the manager of an upscale men's wear store in a wealthy section of town and was interviewing Larry for the recently advertised salesman role.

Frank looked at Larry's resume and noticed that Larry had never worked in retail before.

Frank mused, "for someone with no retail experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary."

"Well I suppose I am," Larry replied, "but you must understand that the work is so much harder when you don't know what you're doing."

"Now this is the verbal part of your employment test," said the interviewer. "Can you tell me what Annualized Standard Deviation means?"

"Certainly," replied the applicant for an accountancy position. "It means I don't get the job."

You might be an engineer if...

- choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your computer memory is a dilemma.

- you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.

- in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.

- the salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.

- at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.

- you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.

- you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.

- you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.

- you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.

- you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.

- you know what http:// stands for.

- you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.

- you see a good design and still have to change it.

- your laptop computer costs more than your car.

- your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.

- you've already calculated how much you make per second.

- you've tried to repair a $5 radio.

A manager was interviewing a potential candidate for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about their personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

The candidate quickly responded, "The living one."

The boss was complaining in the company staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. The next day, he brought a small sign that read:

"I'm The Boss!"

He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:

"Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

The grizzled old sea captain was quizzing a young naval student. "What steps would you take if a sudden storm came up on the starboard?"

"I'd throw out an anchor, sir."

"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"I'd throw out another anchor, sir."

"But what if a third storm sprang up forward?"

"I'd throw out another anchor, captain."

"Just a minute, son. Where in the world are you getting all these anchors?"

"From the same place you're getting all your storms, sir."

Two lawyers were walking along, negotiating a case.

"Look," said one to the other, "let's be honest with each other."

"Okay, you first," replied the other.

That was the end of the discussion.

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.

"$300 for three questions," replied the lawyer.

"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.

"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman.

Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.

"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."

The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman."

"Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?"

"Thanks," said the employee.

"Thanks?" the boss replied. "Is that all you can say?"

"I suppose not," the employee said. "Thanks, Dad."

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.

"Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't heard the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness when he stopped and said, "Your honor, a juror is asleep."

The Judge ruled, "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up."

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes.

"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.

"Well, they feel a bit tight." replies the man.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet.

"Try pulling out on the tongue." offers the clerk.

"Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.

A customer calls the round-the-clock tech support hotline to ask what hours the call center is open.

"The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week," says the technician who answers the call.

Customer asks, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"

The corporate world is divided into two groups: those who know, and those who don't know. Those who know become the workers.

Those who don't know are also in two groups. First, those who don't know and know they don't know, they go back to school to get another degree.

Secondly, there are those who don't know, and don't know they don't know. They become the managers.

Toby came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found his boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Toby?" his boss asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Toby sighed, "everything went wrong this morning. My wife decided to drive me to the harbor. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the ferry didn't turn up."

"Rather than let you down, I swam across the river, ran over the mountain, borrowed a bicycle and cycled the 20 miles through the field to this office. "

"You'll have to do better than that, Toby," said his boss, disappointed. "No woman can be ready in ten minutes."

"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?"

"Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel."

"Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours."

Mrs. Smith explained brightly, "Oh, that was during office hours."

When the expensive printer/photocopier in an office began print black lines on every page, the office manager called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the unit probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $100 for such cleanings, he said, the manager might try reading the manual and doing the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

While filling out an employment application, a man paused over this question: "Person to notify in case of an accident."

Finally he wrote, "Anybody in sight."

A mother's four-year-old daughter was attending her first performance of the Ice Capades. She was so mesmerized that she wouldn't budge from her seat even during intermission, watching the activity while the ice was cleaned.

At the end of the show, she exclaimed, "I know what I want to be when I grow up!"

The mother envisioned her on the ice in another 15 years, starring in the Ice Capades.

She was brought back to earth when the daughter continued, "I want to be a Zamboni driver!"

The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang.

"You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably.

"All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of ten, it's for you!"

The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he'd heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike.

When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Mike, the boss said, "What's the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?"

"My sense of humor is fine," he said. "But I don't have to laugh. I'm quitting tomorrow."

The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.

"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" inquired the officer.

"Officer," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole!"

Faced with hard times, a company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money.

The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars.

Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to an interview for a job. The company boss asked various questions about his education and experience, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"

"22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.

About two weeks later, he got a phone call was offered the job! He accepted, and started work the next day.

He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next week he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."

A foreman had ten very lazy men working for him. One day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.

"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."

Nine hands went up.

"Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man.

"Too much trouble," came the reply.

A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He got a bit carried away and talked for over two hours.

Finally, he realized what he was doing. "I'm sorry I talked so long," he said. "I left my watch at home."

A voice from the back of the room said, "There's a calendar right behind you."

Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."

Music Store: "Bach in a minuet."

Maternity Clothes Shop: "We are open on labor day."

At the Electric Company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."

In a counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.

Podiatrist's Window: "Time wounds all heels."

Computer Store: "Back in 10 minutes - out for a quick byte."

Service Station: Eat Here and Get Gas.

Office: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

Used Cars Lot: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Auto Repair Shop: Free pickup and delivery. Try us once, you'll
never go anywhere again.

Department Store: Semiannual After-Christmas Sale.

Service Station: Diesel Fried Chicken.

Restaurant: Customers who find our staff rude should see the manager.

Every weekday morning for years, at about 11:30 am, the telephone operator in a small town received a call from a man asking for the exact time.

One day the operator got up the nerve to ask him why he called so often. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," the man explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle exactly at noon, so I call you to get the correct time."

"That's funny," the operator giggled. "All these years, we've been setting our clock by your whistle."

A mall manager has three spaces to rent, all in a row. A prospective lessee shows up and says he wants to rent the space on the left for a men's wear shop.

"That's fine," the mall manager says. "You get free signage; what do you want on the sign?"

"Men's Wear," says the man.

A second guy comes along and asks to rent the right hand space for his gentleman's formal wear business. When asked he says he wants "Men's Wear" on his sign. The mall manager tells him that the left hand shop will have the same sign. "No problem," says the man.

Finally a third man comes along to rent the middle space. The manager is somewhat concerned because this guy also has a men's wear shop. Warily the manager asks the third man what he wants on his sign.

The guy replies: "Entrance."

The owner of a construction company lived where winters were very fierce. He felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his foreman.

Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the bitterest day, the owner asked, "Didn't you like the muffs?"

The Foreman said, "They were a thing of beauty. They kept my ears toasty warm, and I was able to work all day in perfect comfort."

"Then why aren't you wearing them?" the owner asked.

"I wore them the first day," the foreman explained, "and somebody offered to buy me lunch, but I didn't hear him! I'll never make that mistake again!"

The manager of a grocery store nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to his office, near the cash registers, when the shoplifter tried to run away.

After a brief scuffle the manager was able to wrestle the thief to the floor. He looked up to see a number of surprised customers staring at him.

"Everything's fine, folks," the manager assured them. "This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than nine items."

A man and a little boy entered a barber shop. The man received the full treatment: shave, shampoo, and haircut. Then he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to pick up some things for your mother," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."

"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand, and said, 'Come on, son, we're going to get a free haircut!'"

"I'd like the number for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the young man said to the 411 operator.

"There are multiple listings for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the operator said. "Do you have a street name?"

The young man hesitated a moment.

"Well, uh, some people call me Snake."

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his first time approaching a runway at night...

Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?"

The controller switched the runway lights off and replied: "Guess where!"

A dog thinks: These people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be awesome!

A cat thinks: These people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be awesome!

A buyer was considering purchasing an old thoroughbred horse but wanted a veterinarian's opinion of the horse before finalizing the deal. When the vet had completed his examination the potential buyer asked, "Will I be able to race him?"

The veterinarian looked at the buyer, then at the horse.

"Sure," he replied, "and you would probably win!"

To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.

If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's raining. If the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is raining very hard.

If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's windy.

If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.

Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.

Sincerely,
THE CAT

Upon entering a little country store, the stranger noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.

"Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner.

"Yep, that's him," came the reply.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner explained, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

Driving past the grounds of the university, a professor saw a student running hard. Snarling at his heels were three huge dogs. Intent on rescue, the professor braked his car to a halt and threw open the door.

"Hurry - get in!!" he commanded.

"Thanks for stopping," the bearded youth gasped, "most people won't offer me a lift when they see I have three dogs."

A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot. The man said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him.

The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."

At Sea World, a young boy absolutely refused to see the show featuring Shamu the killer whale, but he wouldn't tell his parents why. No amount of discussion could get him to change his mind.

Later, when they got home, the parents discovered the reason for his reluctance.

An aunt had told him how exciting the show would be because "They choose children from the audience to feed Shamu."

A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance.

"That is a very smart dog," the man commented.

"Not so smart, he has a tell," said one of the players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

A poodle and a collie were walking down the street. The poodle turned to the collie and complained, "My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away, and I'm nervous as a cat."

"Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?" asked the collie.

"I can't," replied the poodle. "I'm not allowed on the couch."

At the dog park, a lady had two rather large rottweiler dogs. On being asked the dogs' names by another park visitor she replied, "one is called Timex and the other Rolex."

"Wow, those are some strange names for dogs!" the visitor replied.

"Not really," the dog owner replied, "they're watch dogs."

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop very high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just wandering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out.

When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"

The kangaroo said, "Pretty high, unless somebody figures out to lock the gate at night!"

A young girl adopted a stray cat. To her parents' distress, the cat began to use the back of their sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," the father reassured the mother, "I'll have him trained in no time."

The mother watched for several days as the father patiently "trained" the new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, the father put him outdoors to teach him a lesson.

The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.

John, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at 4:00 A.M. by his ringing telephone.

"Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice.

John thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up.

The next morning at precisely 4:00 A.M., John called his neighbor back.

"Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to say that I don't have a dog."

Two dogs were walking along a road. One dog stopped and said, "My name is Fido. What's yours?"

The other dog thought for a minute, and then replied, "I think it's Down Boy."

A man walked into a pet shop and said, "I'd like a puppy for my son."

"Sorry, sir," said the store owner, "we don't take trades."

After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.

One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?"

After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?"

Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor.

"My husband spends his nights... calling out to owls," she said.

"That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband."

Then it dawned on them.

A distraught dog owner called a vet pleading for an immediate appointment. He explained that his dog had a large growth or swelling near the corner of its mouth that had appeared to grow overnight, so the vet told him to bring the animal over.

When the man came in with his dog, the vet examined the animal as the man stood by, anxiously waiting the vet's opinion. At last the doctor turned to him and asked, "Do you have any children?"

"Oh my gosh, is it contagious?" the man gasped.

"No," the vet answered. "It's bubble gum."

A man didn't like his wife's cat and decided to get rid of the animal one day by driving it a few blocks from his home and leaving it at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat further away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

The man kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a long, long way out of town, down a winding path of barely-used roads.

Hours later the man called home to his wife: "Honey, is the cat there?"

"Yes," the wife answered, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man replied, "Put him on the phone, I'm lost and need directions."

A flock of sheep were grazing in a field by the road, happily going "baa baa" to each other and discussing life as usual. At once point a car drove by and honked at them, at which point a loud "moo mooooooo!" was heard, followed by laughter.

The curious sheep looked around, but there were no cows in the field. Later another car drove by honking, and again was heard, "Moooooo mooooooooooo mmmoooo!" Once more laughter followed, even harder than before.

One sheep heard it right next to him that time. He shuffled over to his friend, an irritated expression on his face. "George," he said, "control yourself. You're being ridiculous. You're a sheep. Sheep go 'baa'."

George stifled his laughter. "I know, I know," he gasped. "But the people in those cars don't even know I'm talking to them in a foreign language!"

In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role of the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang. The sheriff's wife answered.

An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?"

"Well, do you need him as the sheriff or the vet?" the wife asked.

"Both," came the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it!"

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and valuable. Thinking quickly he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."

"Please," the collector says, "I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."

"Sold!" the storeowner says, and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."

"Sorry buddy," the storeowner says, "but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats!"

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says, "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." The guy agrees to do so and drives away.

The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins -- and they're all wearing sunglasses! He pulls the guy over and says, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday!"

The guy replies, "I did - they loved it, thanks. Today I'm taking them to the beach!"

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, his face covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began to hassle him about where he got it.

"Buzz off," he said. "I need some sleep." They were very hungry though, and persisted until he finally gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees.

"Do you see that huge oak tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all shouted.

"Good!" said the tired bat, "Because I sure didn't."

Two poodles were chatting.

"I can't figure it out," said the first dog. "I'm in perfect physical shape, but I'm constantly anxious."

The second dog says, "Why don't you go to a psychiatrist?"

To this the first dog remarks, "How can I? I'm not allowed on the couch!"

I was driving through the country, and there were some cows by the side of the road. We're all mature people, so we've all done this: I leaned my head out of the car window, and yelled, "Moooooo!"

Like we expect that cow to be thinking, "Hey, there's a cow driving that car! How can he afford that?"

The teacher was asking Harold some math questions.

Teacher: If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?
Harold: SEVEN!

Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of pop, and two bottles of pop, and another two bottles of pop, how many bottles of pop do you have?
Harold: SIX!

Teacher: Good! Now, if I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?
Harold: SEVEN!

Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Harold: I've already got one rabbit at home.

There's a man trying to cross the street. But when he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.

So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just stops in the middle of the road.

The car swerves at the last possible moment and stops next to the man. The driver rolls down the window. It's a squirrel.

He says, "See, it's not as easy as it looks."

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him.

The dog looked up and said, "Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job."

"Incredible!" exclaimed the man. "I can't believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!"

"Please don't!" said the dog. "If he finds out I can talk, he'll make me answer the phone, too!"

A man follows a woman as she carries her poodle out of a movie theatre.

He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Don't you find that unusual?"

"Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual. He hated the book!"

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the lowest branch, jumped into the air waving his front legs, and dropped to the ground. He slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.

The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.

The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For goodness sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?"

A passenger train is creeping along slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees the conductor walking by outside.

"What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track." replies the conductor.

A few minutes later the train starts up, moving along slowly. Five minutes later it stops again. The woman sees the conductor walk by.

"What happened?" she yells out the window. "Did we catch up with the cow again?"

This guy goes to a pet shop. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings.

"Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.

"And what happens if I pull both the strings at the same time?" the shopper asks.

"I fall off my perch!" squawks the parrot.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

"Alright," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."

So he picks the dog up and has a good look at its eyes.

"Well," says the vet, "I'm going to have to put him down."

"Why? Because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's darn heavy!"

A magician was performing on a cruise ship. The pay was okay, but there was just one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week knew the tricks. In the middle of the show, the parrot would squawk:

"Look, it's not the same hat... he's hiding the flowers under the table... hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician couldn't do anything because it was the captain's parrot.

One day the ship sank and the magician found himself clinging to a
piece of wood... with the parrot perched on the other end. They stared at each other silently for several hours days.

Fianlly the parrot squawked: "Okay, I give up. What did you do with the boat?"

A father gave his teen-age daughter an untrained pedigreed pup for her birthday.

An hour later, when wandered through the house, he found her looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen.

"My pup," she murmured sadly, "runneth over."

Two dog owners were bragging about the intelligence of their pets. "The brightest dog I ever had," said one, "was a Great Dane that used to play cards. He was great at poker, but finally a friend complained about him and I had to get rid of him."

"You got rid of him, a bright dog like that?" exclaimed his friend. "A dog like that would be worth millions."

"Had to," the first man replied. "I caught him using cheating."

One day a man went to an auction to bid on a parrot. He kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

Once there was a family of mice.

One day, the mother said that they needed food. So the first mouse went to get some cheese when he came back his mom said "what kind of cheese is that?"

He said, "cheddar."

"How do you know?" his mom said.

"It said it on the pakage" he replied.

The second mouse went out and came back with swiss cheese. His mom said "how do you know it's swiss cheese?"

He said, "it's from a swiss cheese factory."

The last and final mouse went out and came back with nacho cheese. His mom asked "how do you know it's nacho cheese?"

The mouse said, "after I took it, this big man was chasing me yelling 'that's not yo cheese!'"

Two snakes were out taking a stroll when one turned to the other and asked, "Are we poisonous?"

"Why yes we are," said the second.

Again the first snake asked, "Are you sure we're poisonous?"

"Yes we are very poisonous."

Again the snake asked, "Are we really, really poisonous?"

"Yes we are really, really poisonous. In fact we're the most poisonous snakes in the world. Why do you ask?"

"I just bit my lip!"

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom, why have I got these huge three toed feet?"

The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."

"Okay," says the son.

A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?"

"They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert."

"Thanks Mom," replies the son.

After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??"

His mother replies impatiently, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert."

"That's great Mom. So we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes, and these humps to store water, but Mom..."

"Yes, son?"

"Why are are we in the zoo?"