“I’m ashamed of you,” the mother said. “Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!” “He threw a rock at me!” the boy said. “So I threw one at…
Parents
A three-year-old boy opened the birthday gift from his grandmother and he discovered a water gun. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. The boy’s father was not so…
A man, submitting information to his income tax preparer, was asked how many dependents he had. “Fifteen,” he replied. The preparer asked, “Excuse me? Would you mind repeating that?” The man replied,…
A father had three boys. One summer evening, they were all playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys “shot” his father and yelled, “Bang! You’re…
Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas,” Little Johnny said to his Grandfather. “It’s the best Christmas present I ever got.” “That’s great,” said his Grandfather, “do you know how…
A property manager was showing an apartment to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. “Are you employed?” he asked. “Yes, both of us,” the wife answered. “Children?” “Oh, yes, ages nine…
A family was on the way to the hospital where their teenager was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride they discussed how the procedure would be performed. “Dad,” the teenager…
1. Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work. 2. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bi-focals. 3. You get into a heated argument about pension plans….
The first-time father, beside himself with excitement over the birth of his son, was determined to do everything right. “So, tell me, nurse,” he asked as his new family headed out the…
Early one evening a man went out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawn mower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle….
Three men were talking about what their children would be saying about them thirty years from now. “I would like my children to say, ‘He was successful in business’,” declared the first…
A man in a supermarket was pushing a cart which contained, among other things, a screaming baby. As the man proceeded along the aisles, he kept repeating softly, “Keep calm, Thomas. Don’t…